Many people live in Chicago against their will, forced by issues of economy or education, to do their time in the northern Illinois. But there is a very short list of reasons why people choose to live in the Chicago area of their own free will. One is that, like Mr. Spy, you were born here, have lived here your whole life, and cannot fully imagine going elsewhere. If this is you, it is not your fault. You either do not know any better, or you actually like your relatives, all of whom suffer from similar illusions about mobility. Another reason is that you want to maintain simultaneous careers as a politician and a criminal. We are particularly fond of that here, seeing as our two most recent ex-governors are both doing time, and there are plenty of accommodations. A third reason is that your life’s ambition is to talk about the weather. This group doesn’t include as many people as it would at first appear. Talking about the weather is part of our culture here. It serves important sociological functions. If you spend enough time here, it will seem like we are all endlessly fascinated by the weather. But for most of us, it’s just that we can’t help it. Finally, and this is my case, you move to Chicago with the understanding that the long, cold, grey winters will offer some sort of guarantee against hot, humid, unpleasant summers.
So you’ll excuse me if I feel like I’ve been sold a bill of goods. Today’s originally forecast high was 83. By 9:15 it was 88. This can’t be going anywhere good.
And so I have installed myself in my favorite chair in my bedroom, just three feet from an air conditioning floor vent. In between me and the vent, I have placed a large fan. It is blowing cold air directly on my feet. In this spot, I can almost imagine what it is like in a place where it is comfortable to go outside for more than 6 weeks a year.
Was I talking about the weather again? It just shows that I’ve gone native. It’s a pathology.
And also, my brain has succumbed to the swamp-like atmosphere. Any minute I expect to see alligators taking up residence in my back yard.
Posted by harri3tspy 
