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Tall Tale

April 28, 2012

AJ’s class was studying tall tales earlier this month in language arts. At the end of the unit, they wrote tall tales and AJ brought his home this week. Behold the legend of Connor “Crazyman” Henderson.

Connor Henderson

The legend of “Crazyman” Connor Henderson was born in Charleston, South Carolina in 1992. Some people say that when he was first placed in his crib, he completely smashed it to bits. He also beat up an older kid who was picking on his brother when he was only five months old!

Henderson got the nickname Crazyman when he was in college at Texas A&M because of his anger issues. He went on rampages because he was mad on a regular basis. The next year he dropped out of college with a 4.29 GPA.

He got a summer job as a policeman and he did his job well. He seemed to always know when, where and how to arrest a criminal. The main reason he was recruited to the police was his punching ability.He then tried to qualify to be a professional boxer when a scene broke out.

“Man, you are a good boxer,” said his possible trainer Mike Monroe. “But our team is really turning towards this José Vasquez guy over here.” He pointed towards a guy working on the speed bags.

“Oh, I am a way better fighter than that guy over there. I can punch people out of the ring, the stadium, even the city!” Connor shot back.

“Ha! I’d like to see you try.”

“Okay.” Next he slammed the nearest punching bag off the chain that attached the bag to the ceiling and it went straight out the window! Even Vasquez stopped and watched the bag sail out of sight.

“Holy…,” said everyone in unison as Henderson walked off smiling.That was enough to get him a boxing career.

His first tournament was in Chicago. First man? First round KO. In the second match he sent the opposing fighter straight out of the ring. In the third match his opponent freaked out and forfeited. Connor would go on to win the tournament and advance to the heavyweight title match.

To train, he lifted 150-pound weights every day. He ran around the block twenty times per day. Then came the day. He would be facing José Vasquez, the man he was facing to get on the boxing team. He slipped on his boxing shorts, which said Crazyman on them, and stepped on the scale. It said 220 pounds, which meant he qualified.

“220 pounds of pure muscle!” he said as he walked off.

“You need a brain to play too! I’m pretty sure you don’t have one,” responded Vasquez.

Henderson just laughed it off. “Speak for yourself.”

Later, just before the match, “Oh yeah, I’m going to beat this man!” bragged Connor.

“Darn right you are!” said his trainer Mike Monroe. “I want you to play just like you’ve been playing.”

He stepped into the ring. Ding ding ding! The fight was on. Vasquez hit him hard with the first punch. Henderson went down. He got back up just in time. There were nine seconds on the clock. They circled for a bit with head fakes, then the bell rang. It was the end of round one. The match went on and on and on.

Finally, some action started up in round 13. Vasquez was extremely superstitious. He did not like the number 13. As luck would have it, Connor caught Vasquez off guard and sent him out of the ring. Vasquez scrambled to get up and back to the ring. He made it with two seconds to spare.

By the end of the round, both players were extremely tired. They were staggering around the ring, sometimes falling. Not a punch was thrown in round 14. In round 15, Vasquez landed a punch on Henderson, and Connor hit back with a hard uppercut. José Vasquez went sailing through the air.

“Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!” yelled Connor as he passed out of overheating. The next day Vasquez landed in someone’s backyard in China.

That same day, the amazing Connor “Crazyman” Henderson had a heart attack because of overwork.

Some people say that Connor didn’t die, which he didn’t, that he just disappeared into some land of boxing heaven in the sky. But the real story is that he went on to win 79 heavyweight titles, one when he was 148 years old. As the old saying goes, “Legends never die.”

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. April 28, 2012 9:52 pm

    There are so many lines I love in this tall tale. I read it to Kent too. So would you please let AJ know his tall tale is much appreciated in Boston?

  2. April 30, 2012 7:00 am

    For AJ’s pleasure, the word to the Limelighters’ “Max Goolis”

    http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=10758

  3. freshhell permalink
    April 30, 2012 3:02 pm

    :) Red would love this.

  4. April 30, 2012 4:53 pm

    That was a good read.

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