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Snakes on a plane

October 29, 2009

• I have another job interview next week, this one in person, this time for a library job. I know an awful lot of the people there, at least somewhat, including the person interviewing me, from being a user of this library. And she’s good friends with the librarian I work with at AJ’s school. This could be interesting, although probably doesn’t pay too much. Still, the convenience factor might make it worth it. I’ve got a couple of other irons in the fire as well. I’m realizing more and more, though, that what I really need to do is work out my ambiguity about my academic career.

• I saw someone use the word “psycophantic” today. I think it was actually a typo, but I’m kind of enamored with the possibility of a word “psychophantic” (I’d add the extra “h”) as someone psychopathically sycophantic. I can think of a couple of people to whom such a word would apply extremely well.

• Mr. Spy is heading to NY this weekend to go to a friend’s art show opening. Mr. Spy is not crazy about flying and thus doesn’t do it much. In fact, the only time he’s flown in the last nine years (since our honeymoon) was on our trip to New Mexico this summer. In order to help him prepare for the trip, I went to the TSA’s website to check on the rules and regulations for carry-on items. The list is edifying and hilarious, if only because so many things on it seem both blatantly obvious and also outrageously specific. Here are some of my favorite things you are not allowed to carry onto a plane, as specified by the TSA in the order in which they appear on the official list:

box cutters
ice axes/ice picks
meat cleavers
baseball bats
cricket bats
spear guns
starter pistols
cattle prods
crowbars
billy clubs
black jacks
kubatons (I don’t even know what this is, but it sounds cool)
night sticks
nunchakus
throwing stars
hand grenades
realistic replicas of explosives
realistic replicas of incendiaries
tear gas
snow globes

This, of course, has me imagining many cinematic plane hijackings in my head, most involving tear gas and snow globes whacked with cricket bats. And they never would have occurred to me without the vigilance of the TSA. Thanks, government!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. October 29, 2009 12:47 pm

    You should see the collection of confiscated contraband on display at the Cleveland airport. A bandolier full of bullets, several throwing stars and other fun weapons, what looked like a pike or halberd, a flail, and a mace. It’s like a D&D convention tried to go through security.

    But snow globes? ROSEBUD!

  2. freshhell permalink
    October 29, 2009 1:37 pm

    Good luck with the interview!

    Also, this list distresses me because now I don’t know what to bring to Austin. So many things to cross off my list. I mean, what if zombies attack? How will I defend myself?

  3. October 30, 2009 3:12 am

    Put your cleavers, axes and picks in your check-throughs, silly! It’s what I do….

  4. October 30, 2009 3:14 am

    Forgot to add — always know the location of the hatch that leads from the cabin to the hold!You’ll have time: most Zombies move quite slowly.

  5. lemming permalink
    October 30, 2009 8:50 am

    Still working on snow globes. Then again, we all know that nail clippers are not allowed…

  6. The Lass permalink
    October 30, 2009 4:24 pm

    No cricket bats? However shall my wee cricket baseball team make it to their playoff games? Oh, I slay myself.

    And good luck with the interview and the ambiguity-working-outedness.

    Also, I am totally stealing and using the word psychophantic.

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