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He throws the book at them

November 9, 2009

My being sick means I can continue to report on the head-shaking TV options. Last night I got from the same channel that brought you Rosary for Children it’s [wait for it]


“There will always be a Bib1eman. And Bib1eman will always be there!” (Is that a threat?)

The guide tells me that in this episode, which sadly I turned on towards the end, “Bib1eman takes on pompous villains of Darkness in astonishing battles while giving children a fantastic introduction to the lessons of the Bible.”

Here are some things you might wish to know about Bib1eman:

• Bib1eman appears to be a cyborg. From the future. “Don’t worry,” he says to an electronic voice in his spaceship(?) as he departs from a job well done. “We’re still going to do our jobs. As long as Jesu5 Chri5t is in control, we’re still gonna be there.”

• Bib1eman seems to like metal music from outer space.

• Oh, and the best part? He’s voiced by Wi11ie Aames.


That is all I’ve learned from Bib1eman. Or, as I prefer to call him, B1BLEMAN!

See for yourself: Bibleman gets suited up for the job:

This channel both fascinates and repulses me. It’s like a car wreck in that regard. I’m sure there will be more dispatches from the Chri5tian children’s television programming front.

I’d really hoped to be up and about today. You’d think 5 days in bed would be enough. But apparently not. Not only do I still have a fever and hacking cough, but this morning I woke up with my eyes glued shut. Conjunctivitis in both eyes? Why yes! It’s an added bonus of H1N1. My doctor neglected to mention this particular symptom. I did manage to get an appointment for AJ to get his H1N1 vaccine on Thursday, assuming they still have vaccine by then. We have to drive a half an hour away to do it, but it will make me feel better. Meanwhile, can you keep the lights down? My eyes hurt.

I can’t remember the last time I was sick for this long. Probably when I had mono my first year in grad school. And that was definitely worse. But with H1N1, I have new symptoms daily. It’s kind of an adventure. A very pathetic adventure. Maybe if I weren’t so sacrilegious, BIB1EMAN! would come rescue me from the attack of the killer germs. Too late now.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. The Lass permalink
    November 9, 2009 11:47 am

    Maybe your eyes glued themselves shut to prevent you from any further viewings of Bibleman or the channel from whence he came.

    And, I am sorry to hear that you’re still sick.

  2. freshhell permalink
    November 9, 2009 12:23 pm

    I think Lass is right: this is punishment for watching such….frightening television. Are you sure you weren’t hallucinating? I feel like I am just reading about it. I’m beginning to worry about you.

  3. beth b permalink
    November 9, 2009 12:47 pm

    the ‘bananas’ atop willie ames head is so appropriate. who knew that it could tell the future?!?!

  4. November 9, 2009 1:06 pm

    A fever for 5 days is rough, no matter what. I didn’t know H1N1 particularly affected the eyes, but my son and I sure noticed it.

  5. November 9, 2009 6:02 pm

    Davey and Goliath got nuthin’ on Bibleman.

    Maybe Willie Aames and Kirk Cameron are secretly gay lovers, and over-compensating.


  6. crankygirl permalink
    November 9, 2009 6:57 pm

    All craziness.

    I’m still debating whether to get the vaccine–I admit that your illness may push me over the edge in the decision-making.

  7. November 9, 2009 9:47 pm

    I’m sorry you’re still sick. It looks like you’ve found the end of the world of television, though.

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