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Things have gotten closer to the sun

May 23, 2013

For the last few weeks, two of my fellow toymakers and I have been sneaking out on our lunch hours (insofar as any of us ever takes a lunch hour) to play music together. It’s been a long time since I’ve played much and even longer since I’ve played much with others. It’s been fun, although I get nervous having to play where people can hear me. I feel more comfortable buried in an ensemble. It’s the curse of performing while introverted.

But today we played a mini concert at the Toy Factory and lots of people came, including Mr. Spy and AJ, who spent 90 minutes on the subway just to watch less than a half an hour of music. It was fun and easy because the people who work with us are so nice — our office manager gave me a big hug afterwards. And I thought, “this is not so bad.”

But then I remember that the curse of performing while introverted generally doesn’t fully kick in until after you leave the stage. Which is why, after coming home, I went and hid in my room. At times there are too many people and I need sensory deprivation to restore my equilibrium. Sometimes it’s hard to be a grownup. I like performing best when I can be invisible. One of the things I like playing at church is that I can be in the choir loft and by the time I get downstairs, the congregation has gone home.

Still, I think we might do it again. I’m not sure whether it’s stubbornness or maturity or stupidity that keeps us doing things that we’re not entirely sure we like to do.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2013 9:16 am

    Can I come next time?!?

  2. May 24, 2013 9:33 am

    Yes! I’m not sure when that will be. But one of our summer interns plays the viola and another plays the cello. I’m hoping we can scare up some piano quintets over the summer.

  3. freshhell permalink
    May 26, 2013 7:31 pm

    Very cool but yeah, I know what you mean. I loved turning pages for a pianist in a chamber trio (I think it was) years and years ago when I could read music. I wasn’t playing but was on stage. But invisible. But part of things. It was kind of the perfect introvert moment. 🙂

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