Homesickness comes in waves when I least expect it, when I suddenly remember things. The bucks in the back yard in fall, escaping to sit on the dock by the river on a nice October evening, a glass of wine with my neighbor on her back porch, the sound of the frogs in the creek, the white glow of the bar in the morning son. I think I’m not only longing for lost things but also for the space in my head I used to have when I was among them. Things are a little intense at Spy Headquarters at the moment. And it’s likely to be that way for a while. And so I dream of my garden and the smell of the woods in the fall, the sound of the waterfall and lying on my back in the grass looking up at the stars.
I didn’t mean to be gone so long. WordPress did eat a post of mine. But mostly it’s that I can’t stop working long enough to have the distance I need to write. I’m halfway through the marathon. In two weeks I start traveling and then boom it will be New Year’s and I’m going to wonder what happened. The traveling will help clear my head, though, even as it fills it up again.
Music helps too. I played a new piece at Mass this morning, the largo from Telemann’s fourth sonata. I think I tried it once before, years ago, but it puzzled me. Its melody line is quirky in a baroque sort of way and I couldn’t get my head around it. But this time it felt easy, its swift changes in direction like angles in a complicated building, shadows and light playing off each other as you walk through and discover new rooms exactly where you expected them to be.
And then it’s back to reality. High school fairs. Financial paperwork. Bringing in new projects. Maintaining old ones. Life. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Lucky I know how to swim.