I have spent the day speaking out and immediately regretting having done so. Not, I think, so much for anything in particular I’ve said, but because I don’t always know when to stop and because it makes my introverted side panic. There’s a lot going on at work and I am charging forward on projects that are all new to me, which is interesting and terrifying in equal measure. I tend to run off at the mouth, these days, when someone asks me a small question about something I feel confident about, so grateful am I to feel like I have complete understanding over something, anything. And so I leave every meeting feeling like a dork. But when I stop worrying, I am mostly feeling lucky to have a job where I get to do new things so regularly. My brain is tired when I get home. I like it. And tomorrow I will try to be less of a jerk.
When my head is wrapped up in new things, I tend to get other new things stuck in my head — songs that won’t leave me, phrases I’ve read in the newspaper, that sort of thing. I think I hang onto them like mantras, like tiny life rafts. This week the phrase is “virtuous circle.” I heard this for the first time last week in a meeting, spoken by an economist. I’ve only heard of vicious circles. I had no idea there could be virtuous ones. It’s a whole new world.
A friend of mine started working in my corner of the Toy Factory this week. It is nice to see her around and as she is finishing her dissertation, she’s been prodding me to put the nails in my particular coffin as well. We have a pact and a plan. This will be good for both of us, I think. It’s nice to have company and a mutual cheerleading society. That’s a virtuous circle, I think.