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Orthognathic theology

September 10, 2014

Scene: The Spy family dinner table. AJ has just had some rather nasty oral surgery that involved rather a lot of anesthesia (The anesthesiologist: “We just kept giving him more and we’d think he was asleep and then he’d say something like, ‘My nose itches,’ and we’d say ‘Yes, that’s because we just stuck a tube of oxygen up it.’ And we’d give him another hit.”). We were discussing how some people we know take September 11 off work because they don’t want to be in a different boroughs from their children.

Mr. Spy: Can you imagine if you were having your surgery during September 11?

AJ: [Shakes head gingerly]

Harriet: But there must have been surgeries happening and babies being born.

AJ: I wonder if you got braces and the Apocalypse came, would you have braces forever?

* * * * *

Catholic school and anesthesia: do not mix them lightly!

[The patient is resting comfortably, by the way.]

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. September 10, 2014 8:33 pm

    Hahahaha, ghastly thought! AJ’s a boy after my own heart; I am constantly fretting about the coming of the Apocalypse and all its ramifications. Like: Where would i get contact solution for my contact lenses? How would I see after these contact lenses wore out or got lost? THERE WOULD BE NO OPHTHALMOLOGISTS IN THE APOCALYPSE.

  2. eleanorio permalink
    September 10, 2014 9:59 pm

    That’s why I had laser surgery. Now I just need to worry about where I’ll get my dollar-store reading glasses.

  3. September 11, 2014 5:37 am

    In the psychotheological discussion that ensued, Mr. Spy informed us that no, you wouldn’t have braces forever, because Old School Catholic theology tells us that the body is perfect after the resurrection (“I learned that from Walker Percy.”) So that addresses the problem of dollar store reading glasses and contact lens solution, but did not answer my question of how old would that perfect body be — The age you die? A baby? Your favorite version of yourself? Personally, I don’t think this whole restored to the body thing makes any sense at all. Zombies it is!

  4. September 11, 2014 5:39 am

    (Possibly myopic, toothless zombies waving their canes)

  5. the other theo permalink
    September 11, 2014 12:24 pm

    I like a quote by Aphraahat the Persian Sage:

    “Therefore be instructed by this, you fool, that each and every one of the seeds is clothed in its own body. Never do you sow wheat and reap barley, and never did you plant a vine and have it produce figs. But everything grows in accord with its own nature. So also the body which has been laid in the ground is the same which will rise again”

    Actually, I think I just like that there’s a Church Father named Aphraahat the Persian Sage and that he sounds a little like a theological Mr. T.

  6. magpiemusing permalink
    September 11, 2014 12:32 pm

    a ha ha ha! i like the zombie idea, though.

  7. September 15, 2014 1:20 pm

    Good question — the age one. I’ll bet it’s the way you imagine you look. I’m thinner.

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