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When I take a picture of you it disappears

April 30, 2015

It’s performance review season at the Toy Factory, the time of year when we look back and figure out what the hell happened.  In my case, I laid it out in 8 single spaced pages.  I wrote it for myself, really.  I wanted to lay things out to figure out what to do next.  But it’s a fine line between analyzing your work and writing a Unabomber manifesto.

Nevertheless, I had a review this morning that made me blush and I felt charmed all day. It’s been a good year and maybe the first year where I felt I could really see my own hand in every aspect of my work. Toys are a slow business.  It takes a while.  I can’t believe I’m finishing up my fourth year here. It still seems new.  I think that’s a good thing.

I was looking back at some of the blog posts I wrote when I first started.  So many of them contain the word lucky. I still feel that, lucky. Today I was feeling very lucky for having the boss that I have, who is really perfect for me in some weirdly specific ways. I think I appreciate it more this year because for half the year I worked for someone else. That sounds bad.  It’s not that I don’t like him — he’s just a more challenging personality.  And I liked that too, actually. It helped me get more comfortable with my own voice.  He likes a good friendly argument and I do too. But it’s not an easy relationship.

I’m also feeling lucky for the outdoor summer concert series up the street from me.  I always enjoy it, but this year’s program, which was just announced, is weirdly made up of many of my very favorite bands. I literally jumped up and down and shrieked when I saw it.

We’ve had a slight lull for a few weeks, time for the office retrospective, a break after high school acceptances, the end of conference season.  Things are about to kick back into gear, though. I’ve got a couple of trips this month, one to Chicago to talk about making toys at my alma mater, and another to one of the Toy Factory’s branch offices to talk about accounting.  All of those who have ever watched me balance my checkbook may now stop laughing.  And then in June I’ve got a couple of conferences, both nearby, one in New York. Somewhere in there I have to hire a couple of people to help me out while I’m gone.

The lull has been restorative.  I feel like I have control over my work projects again.  And after work, I come home and play guitar every night and think about the things I want to be writing but am not.   I think I will start up again soon.  I’m out of practice, though — on the writing, not the guitar — and I have lost my speed. There are two posts I want to write, one about songwriting and arranging and Sam Phillips and the other about binge watching television. Maybe I’ll get to them one day.  Or maybe I’ll just post about procrastination.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 1, 2015 12:57 pm

    You deserve only the shiniest of performance reviews, madam! Working with you is an utter pleasure — the loveliest thing that ever happened to me at the Toy Factory was when you came to start working on that one toy with me. HUG.

  2. May 3, 2015 10:11 am

    Aw, thanks Jenny! I miss you!

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