He throws the book at them

My being sick means I can continue to report on the head-shaking TV options. Last night I got from the same channel that brought you Rosary for Children it’s [wait for it]

BlBLEMAN!

“There will always be a Bib1eman. And Bib1eman will always be there!” (Is that a threat?)

The guide tells me that in this episode, which sadly I turned on towards the end, “Bib1eman takes on pompous villains of Darkness in astonishing battles while giving children a fantastic introduction to the lessons of the Bible.”

Here are some things you might wish to know about Bib1eman:

• Bib1eman appears to be a cyborg. From the future. “Don’t worry,” he says to an electronic voice in his spaceship(?) as he departs from a job well done. “We’re still going to do our jobs. As long as Jesu5 Chri5t is in control, we’re still gonna be there.”

• Bib1eman seems to like metal music from outer space.

• Oh, and the best part? He’s voiced by Wi11ie Aames.

That is all I’ve learned from Bib1eman. Or, as I prefer to call him, B1BLEMAN!

See for yourself: Bibleman gets suited up for the job:

This channel both fascinates and repulses me. It’s like a car wreck in that regard. I’m sure there will be more dispatches from the Chri5tian children’s television programming front.

I’d really hoped to be up and about today. You’d think 5 days in bed would be enough. But apparently not. Not only do I still have a fever and hacking cough, but this morning I woke up with my eyes glued shut. Conjunctivitis in both eyes? Why yes! It’s an added bonus of H1N1. My doctor neglected to mention this particular symptom. I did manage to get an appointment for AJ to get his H1N1 vaccine on Thursday, assuming they still have vaccine by then. We have to drive a half an hour away to do it, but it will make me feel better. Meanwhile, can you keep the lights down? My eyes hurt.

I can’t remember the last time I was sick for this long. Probably when I had mono my first year in grad school. And that was definitely worse. But with H1N1, I have new symptoms daily. It’s kind of an adventure. A very pathetic adventure. Maybe if I weren’t so sacrilegious, BIB1EMAN! would come rescue me from the attack of the killer germs. Too late now.